tuesday

on my walk home,
i watched the orangy-red sun blazing through the clouds
it looked like a water color painting
surreal.

i took a 1/2 hour run,
nearly killed myself--but it was a good kinda near death experience
i sweat through and through and through
salty skin
i am flesh and blood.

i strolled to my favorite little fruit stand
pondered over the overpriced dark purple grapes
i bought them
those and the fuchsia plums
firm. sweet.

i painted my toenails blue tonight
and as an afterthought,
i painted my fingernails as well
i remembered when blue fingers and toes were out of the ordinary
i guess i'm ordinary
this is ok.

i'm trying to recall what a real life is
am i real life?
or am i dreaming the painted sky
the sweet tang of grapes
the sweat on my upper lip
exploding lungs
am i lying in a coma from that violent assault 10 years ago?

sometimes i wish i could hit reset
go back to the blood and trauma of that incident
choose a different path
make different, less painful choices

but i would've missed the magentas of this Seoul sunset
and the dark purple grapes
firm and sweet
my favorites.