i don't even know where to begin. so, i'll just begin where i'm sitting: in my own studio.
i have my own bed.
my own "kitchenette".
my computer is sitting on my own desk.
in the Motherland.
God. it feels really great to have my own bed again.
being unemployed, homeless, and sleeping on a couch sucked a little after the first few weeks. not that i'm complaining. i had the most supportive, random-laidback, and loving roomies a gal could ever wish for. but there's a kind of confusion sets in when you miss 1/2 the day b/c you'd been going to bed around 4am every night.
it was really disconcerting to daily wake to the late morning sun with no particular thing to do, and no particular place to go. maybe i'm not enough of a free spirit/something--whatever that means. i know how dumb it might sound to say how taxing it is to do nothing--but it really was/is for me--not sure where to place that in time.
and i had a sore back constantly reminding me that i was sleeping on that wonderfully squishy couch. and then it got cold--really cold. like three blankets cold. every night my body was snuggled fetal position under heavy blankets. but my face was frozen--as were my fingers that were curled around whatever book i was into. i could practically see my breath.
i can't believe that was only about a week ago.
so, i'm in Korea: where the weather's slightly milder than Chicago, the lights are blurry flashy bright, and you can buy some of the yummiest food served on the street, on a plastic plate that is wrapped in a plastic bag.
*part of an email:
it's been an amazing AMAZING adventure already. things are so different out here. i really needed to decompress and just figure out how to do life again. and in so many ways, i have... i lost a lot of things about myself, but i'm beginning to rediscover them--and feeling pretty good about it. beginning to feel like i'm waking up from a bad dream and remembering how happy and excited i can be, just by being alive.
**
yesterday, in the midst of wondering about the intricacies of the Korean culture and figuring i was misstepping @ every turn, i cracked a dozen jokes w/ my new bosses and lit up a smoke:
"so i've noticed that women in Korea don't really smoke, huh?"
no, not really
"but there are a lot of men that smoke" flicking ash. big smile.
yeah yeah. that's true.
"well. i quit about 8 years ago, but i started again about 6 months ago."
oh really? what happened 6 months ago?
"a lot of crazy things." change topic. "this city's amazing. it's really busy and there seems like there's so much going on ~everywhere~ all the time."
yes. it's really busy. what did you do last weekend?
"oh, we just went out. we went to a bar in Sinchon on Friday, and then went dancing in Hongdae on Saturday. it was pretty wild. i love dancing. i really had a lot of fun. but i don't want to be too crazy while i'm here. i mean, i'm planning to quit smoking before i'm 30."
oh! when are you going to be 30?
"next month. the 20th."
oh. what're you going to drink when you're 30? semi-weird question.
"hmmm. i don't know... i know that it's a pretty party atmosphere, but like i said, i really don't want to get too overboard while i'm out here. i'm trying to keep my wits about me."
that's what your friend said when she got out here.
"really? i don't know. she's said that she's been keeping it pretty low key since she's been here."
well. i know i haven't been keeping to too low key so far. but everything has felt like chaos for the last 6 days.
the cacophony of the first night after 21 hours of traveling, 42 hours of sleeplessness, and then running out to a restaurant with the shouting, running, jovial waiters--herking and jerking around the room. yelling, smoking, and stirring up this amazing feast on the burner in the middle of our table. dahk-bulgogi and noodles and veggies and Go-cho-jang and beer and lots of bahn-chan. we were all wearing bibs around a tiny table bursting w/ food.
it really felt like some kind of ridiculous dream.
and then the cacophony of the next night. Saturday... but i'm sleepy and want give justice to those juicy tangerine bits for the next blog. maybe.
i know that this blog probably makes absolutely no kind of sense to anyone but me, but this is how i've been feeling today.
