i'm losing time these days.
i don't know if it's age or depression or angst or busyness. but i'm beginning to forget things. things that seem like they should be important to me. or even the unimportant thing i went into my bedroom to get before i leave the house. shit. declining mental acuity is concerning.
so, is this it? have i already peaked and now steadily making my way downward into mediocrity... and then worse?
i'm also feeling like a turtle. not the Teenage Mutant Ninja kind, but the 300 pound overgrown kind that accidentally made my way up the sand dune instead of back down into the ocean. i'm blistering in the sun while nasty little kids are squealing with horror at the novelty of my being. they're poking me with sharp sticks and i'm retracted, sick of all of the noise and chaos, wondering if there is any hope of escape.
i'm feeling super angry with everything and everyone these days. damnit.
i'm good at pasting on a plastic smile, making jovial the setting i'm twirling my hair in, or saying something inappropriate for a snicker. only the nearest to me can sense something's wrong. but even they aren't privy to what's actually going on. inside.
sigh.
when will this pass? i don't know. i'm longing for that lasting happiness. the stuff that sticks.
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