the hours in a day

if not at 11:41pm on the eve of yet another FULL day of teaching, then when?

it's been an incredibly long time since i've last written anything here. well, it might not actually be, but it certainly feels that way. i've been teaching university students and i ABSOLUTELY loveLOVElove it.
and i'm completely consumed by it.
and i'm utterly wasted, dead tired almost all the time.

time moves too fast on this job. though i'm only teaching 16 hours (Monday thru Thursdays), i easily spend 40 hours at the office. this is not to mention the homework i grade when i get home and the lesson planning i do on the weekends. there is always *something* to do. somethingsomethinganythingeverything--and i can't seem to turn off my brain until at least 3am.
four to five hours later, i resentfully hit my alarm clock and chase down the tasks that seem to race just a little ahead of me. i can barely catch sight of those tasks by 11pm--and THEN, my Type A personality makes me ponder the wisdom of just pushing forward through those last 120 quizzes to pass/fail so i don't have to grade them--*sometime later*. like while i'm sitting next to that sleeping ahjusshi on the subway tomorrow morning. or on the slightly greasy table of the ddukboki place in my neighborhood while eating a late dinner.
i'm hit by intermittent waves of dizzy-weary sometimes-satisfaction.

why the hell would i enjoy this?

i love seeing that suddenly light go off in his/her eyes when i explain something in a way that makes sense. this seems to happen at least once in a class. it's really pretty great.
but, you need the perfect storm of factors to all coalesce to make that moment happen: fairly bright students. a relatively calm classroom where most students are attending to you. an interesting explanation/example/conceptual explication of *some* point. some investment. the right blend of humor, charm, personality, and intimidation--and then *bing*. those two girls in the fourth row get it. and so does that row of guys sitting behind them--[or are they just pretending to get it because those two girls are wearing ultra short skirts?]

i also love that i'm *doing* something. that the students give a damn--if solely for the dangling carrot that is an A or A+.
i relish that fact that i feel exhausted after a day of working. i feel exhausted because something is getting accomplished.

HOWEVER, time is a slippery, mossy rope--and i worry that i'm letting it all pass too quickly. it's already the end of March--which is a quarter through the year. how did that happen? there were so many things i wanted to do this year.

well, i'm doing some of them. i did quit smoking. i'm taking a salsa class (i'm going to get good by summer!). i'm only spending time with people i reallyREALLY like and care about.

i've gotta get back on the writing.
and the ukulele playing.
and the sleeping.