so, i know where the paths lead me, but hell... i'm feeling a little self-destructive now.
i did this last year as well. i made a mistake and then dove into the dirt of the rabbit hole.
and reveled in the pathetic-dark-oozing pleasures of selfish gratification.
this is because i felt like: i've completely fucked up. i might as well dance out these morbid-beautiful patterns and satiate my desires. then try something different after the waaaay-after the fallout has settled.
i'm conflicted. the dam has burst, and sealing up the hole and cleaning up the hill of devastation seems too painful and humiliating and exhausting to consider. so do i begin sliding down this slope? that easy, slick, quick, exciting fairy-tale fall downdowndowndown....
down?
knowing me. probably not. but, i'm beginning to get to that place.
where i forget who
me is.
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