process process

it's difficult to make a different choice than the one that you have always been making.

tonight, i was sitting across from a man i was feeling attracted to. there were so many things that we had in common--and we both shared stories that were engaging and interesting to each other. and i thought he was pretty good-looking, and am pretty certain he felt the same about me. but damnit. i had to make a different decision.

everything in my body wanted to make the suggestion that would land us in a sweaty embrace, but it felt wrong. as we talked, my eyes opened more and more to how  precious and eternal his personhood was. beautiful, intelligent, somewhat troubled, and vulnerable. considering the idea of sex made me feel sad because it would have felt so objectifying. he needed love, not sex, and the most loving thing was to equivocate.

how foolish it is to sigh over the missed opportunity of what would likely have been really good sex, but it was the right decision. people can soak in more of their own value when others show them that they are valuable. i am uncertain if he had any idea that those were my thoughts when i shied away from the common denominator, but, i know that He saw everything.