God loves the ladies

i really really hate men. i despise them. not all of them, of course, but wow--those roots go deep.
however, i'm beginning to get some healing about that.

i'm kind of on an amazing ride with the Truth. i realize that as we become more aware of what the Truth actually is, we can receive healing because of the confidence we can have in what Reality is.

for ages, i've felt so completely subjugated by men and have had 2 specific inflammatory Biblical passages about women keeping their mouths shut tossed into my face. now intuitively, i knew that God didn't actually want to keep us ladies muzzled, but how can i argue with the Bible? either i trust in its contents or i don't.
and i do trust in the contents of the Bible. God is so real to me and has undeniably met me so many times, i can't turn my back on Him. and it's nonsense to me to simply pick and choose the things that i don't like.

thus, i've always looked at those inflammatory passages as something i didn't really understand, but knew that there was something more. there had to be more. my heart pounds with His call to raise my voice. God loves women and wants to hear ALL of our voices. He wants to hear us sing, and absolutely delights in us as we fully come into our identities as His kids. only then can we use our talents to their fullest potential.

the pastor of the church i go to these days seemed to be a man's man. when i first started going, i was pretty turned off by him because he came off kinda bull-headed at times. he reminded me a lot of the men who have stepped on me in ages past, and i had a hard time sitting through his sermons. however, because God had been so loudly talking to me during the services at that church, i felt too hungry to hear His voice so i HAD TO continue to attend.
it was this pastor--this "man's man" that preached a sermon today about those inflammatory passages and gave them depth and context. and actually, at the end of the sermon, he ended up honoring women, and it brought tears to my eyes. to hear a man--a Korean American man--speak against the silencing of women in the church was powerful for me.

anyway, it's extremely difficult to change a first impression. it's a psychological improbability. however, when the Truth is spoken, healing can occur. so, wow--though i don't agree with everything that the guy says, God has totally been using him to open my eyes to things i only had a vague sense of before.

yes. i absolutely despise men. they fucking suck. but, i'm realizing how this is not right and is absolutely problematic as i live another day, another week, another year. this hate degrades me--it should not be a part of me. the hurts and wounds of the past do not have to define me. inevitably, it doesn't matter what men have done to me. what matters is that i have worth because my Creator has given it to me. as i am trying to embrace my identity and the source of my hope, i feel like i can emerge from this cage of my hate. it seems like a better way to live.