i've felt a little forlorn for the past few days--and i have the dumbest thing that triggered it: i was at the no-rae-bang and my friend sang a song about losing innocence. it wasn't a sad song/anything--in fact, it was upbeat and playful, but the song spun me out a little bit.
i wonder how different my life would be if i had just NOT...
sure, the sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll have shaped a big part of who i am. and my lifelong immersion into those experiences have granted me perspectives outside of the (UGH) church. but, i have long-since admitted that *maybe* it would have been better if i just didn't have certain bits of information. i have the tendency to become an utter slave to my lusts/wants/desires--and hell--this is not a good thing. obviously.
i lose sight of all else and just WANT. i'm so greedy. and i'm fairly resourceful. i can usually satiate those starved beasts that i've made my best friends.
i hate burning. you know--that consuming burn for those special, delicious vices that just aren't good for you. i hate having to consciously make the choice not to engage. ugh. it's there right in front of me. inviting me with those bedroom eyes.
and then comes the typical rationalization: i'll i say 'yes' this time and 'no' next time.
damnit. i'm just a fucking human. animal.
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