digging into it: IV

weekend #21.
it's been a whirlwind. seriously. life moves inexorably forward, and though i despised the languorous pace of my life in the status quo burbs, this Seoul speed is making me a little ragged. this is reminiscent of the first month i spent in Korea actually--before i met the Belgian. but a little more fun actually. i think i'm beginning to figure out what is fun for me and i'm getting out there and doing the things that really just fit. i'm going to have to strike a balance at some point though.

let me digress for a moment. shortly after New Years 2009, i sat down the girlfriend who i went clubbing w/ every single weekend and had a serious talk w/ her. i let her know i couldn't (and wouldn't) keep up the pace of clubbing w/ her every weekend. it was just too much.
(this was the nature of our serious talks at the time. it has evolved since then.)
in conjunction, the energy that she put out there was a little unhealthy. i was just rediscovering things about what it meant to be a single woman and being comfortable w/ that. but this friend really really wants to find that one special someone. ugh. it's a little cloying. her life dramas are like boy-band videos.
anyway, going clubbing w/ her is a little disturbing b/c she's never having fun b/c she's always scanning the room looking for him. and he's never there. she whispers forlorn complaints into my ear throughout the night about how all of her girlfriends get hit on but her. even while i'm in the middle of dancing, she will pull me off the floor and ask me to relocate in order to scan the next room. unfortunately, this schizophrenic system of whiling away the night is not only frustrating, it's a little contagious.

no matter what anyone wants to say, your friends influence you. you pick up good habits and along w/ all the bad. this is why her and i had to have that 'serious' talk. i hated feeling like i was missing something and had wasted the night b/c i didn't find my special someone. and it's completely irrational to look for anyone special at a club anyway. everyone's drunk, horny, and really not acting like their authentic selves.

well, w/ the Belgian gone and having the three month hiatus from clubbing, she's been sending me these event emails so that she could have me rejoin her. (actually, there is much more to this part of yesterday's story that i'll probably have to recount in the future.) eitherway, now that it's a little warmer outside and coming home at 5am in balmy weather feels pretty good, i figure, why not? plus, when i'm w/ her, it's always free admission and free drinks.

so here it is again. dancing. i love dancing. lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove it. i love feeling the beat and hearing the baselines and just throwing my body into the pounding surf. the burn in my muscles. the sweaty curvy sexy frizziness of it all. it feels amazing. there is really nothing i can compare it to.

my dance class has been a great outlet for learning how to appropriately dance w/ others. it's been so much fun, and growing moreso as i've been learning. it's made me feel like quite the sexy beast w/o compromising my body. yesterday night was all about the dancing. from the dance class to the club and then a dire exhausted crash into my bed at 5am.

as i've mentioned before, the men and women in my bachata class have been avoiding me b/c of my lack of Korean speaking ability. but, something has changed. yesterday was the final session for this group of classes i was a part of. i wasn't completely sure i wanted to enroll in the next one, but after yesterday, i'm definitely planning to keep on going--probably at least through the summer, if not for longer.

i had been planning to go clubbing w/ my aforementioned friend, w/ my mind set on not getting sucked into her crazy quest to find Mr. Right. so i decided that i would stick around after the end of the class and dance w/ anyone who was brave enough until she contacted me.
my favorite cutie in the class immediately grabbed me for the first bachata song and whirled me around on our little piece of the dance floor. his laughing face will always charm the hell out of me. w/ him, the language barrier seems to not be such an obstacle. we both know we are kindred spirits who love to dance and like to be sweet and smile for kindness sake. he doesn't mind that misstep sometimes and giggle uproariously about it. he will just give me a quick hug or laugh himself and then pull me back into step. after the song was over, we smiled and gave each other the slight Korean courtesy bow.

i went out for a smoke w/ a couple of the other gentlemen in the class. an ahjushi (40-something Korean man) actually struck up a conversation w/ me when i lit his smoke. he told me about living on Kauai for 8 years where he owned a restaurant. he described the beauty of the quiet tropical landscape and his longing to go back to the lush beauty one day. our conversation was abruptly interrupted by the passing-by of our sassy dance teacher. she had just changed into the most revealing skimpy black outfit reminiscent of the In Living Color call girls of the 90s. as she passed by, i could hear the exasperated groans from the men around me.
Korean men muttering, 'why does she always do that?'
i giggled b/c i too had wondered about her somewhat scandalous clothing from previous Friday nights. it was pleasantly surprising and gratifying to see this break in the formalities that they always seemed to display while around me. i shrugged, winked, and said in my pidgin: maybe it's b/c the weather's so warm?
they laughed.

when i went back into dance hall, i was immediately asked to dance by a very good-looking but stoic Korean man. it was pretty funny b/c this is exactly the kind of Korean man who will not have fun dancing w/ me--the ones that take it too seriously. i'm a newbie and i'm not always sure which direction to turn and will usually laugh at myself when i do. but when i misstepped w/ him, i could tell he was frustrated. eventually, he just pulled me in too close, pressed me hard against his chest, and guided my body that way. kinda hot. kinda not.

and then song after song, man after man came up to me, smiled, and put out their hands in invitation. of course, there's something a little flattering about this. i have noticed that men tend to choose women they think they will be able to lead well and make them look good. i know i'm not very good, but maybe they think i'm easy to lead? or fun? or pretty?
it's interesting b/c every man has a unique way of leading and moving. as i danced and danced, i began feeling my own groove. it was fabulous fun.

when the salsa music came back on, i was approached by a slightly chubby woman w/ a side bun. she was in a tight black shirt w/ neon pink and green tubing, and pants that were hard to look at. though this woman was super sweet to me, i must pause and talk about her pants.
they were so tight that they squeezed her belly chub into a floppy muffin top. unfortunately, this was the primarily exposed part of her mid-riff. additionally, she was apparently wearing over-tight grannie panties that could be seen pinching into her gluteus inside of her tight pants. i must make this observation b/c it really was a visceral fashion train wreck that i'll probably have pop up in a dream a few years from now. also, the way that she struck up the conversation w/ me was:
"would you look at the teacher? i mean, if she was a bit thinner she'd probably look pretty good, but, ugh!"
i looked down at my overly large v-neck: yes. it's a little... exposed. i couldn't wear something like that.
she poured me a glass of sangria, "so, where are you from? why are you in Korea?"
i'm working. i wanted an adventure and do some traveling so i'm here. my favorite cutie skipped past us w/ a smile, nodded, and then put a strawberry in my mouth. i gave him a grin and turned back to Tight Pants.
"you from the States?"
yes. Chicago.
she tugged on the sleeve of a passing ahjushi. "have you met, _____?"
no. uh. hello. i nodded to him.
he grabbed my hand, "you will salsa w/ me."
oh! no! i can't salsa. only bachata. a little.
"that doesn't matter. i can salsa."
despite my protests, i allowed him to pull me onto the floor. i figured he'd eventually get frustrated w/ me and just torturously do the basic step through the end of the song. but no. he was amazing. he whirled and flung me around. he knew exactly where to put his hands on my shoulders and hips to guide me. my body automatically responded to his lead. spinning around, twisting flurry, i was delighted. he dipped me low at the end of the song and i noticed a few of my male classmates cheering. exhilerated, i curtsied and tried to sit, but one of them grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the floor:
'i didn't know that you knew how to salsa.'
but i don't!
'i was just watching you.'
i'm warning you. you're going to be sorry.
he didn't know many fancy moves, so we just laughed and did the basic step. we moved and wiggled our hips suggestively at each other. it was hilariously amusing.
and finally, my favorite cutie stepped in after him. i shook my head at him.
'don't tell me you don't know how to salsa.'
but i don't!
'just dance w/ me 메리.'
you know i will, but i'm not going to be any good.
'just listen to the music and have fun.'
and it really was. this is why he's my favorite cutie in class.

i really love that i'm doing this. i love that i'm learning something--getting out there in the world and following my interests and passions. i feel like i'm becoming more of who i am.