more more more of the crazy.
damnit. these weekends are wearing me out. the copious drinking and running around and socializing is draining.
dead draining.
i know it feels draining b/c i'm feeling kind of far away from Him. i don't want to make this blog all about faith, but i'm feeling that hunger for something more real, more fulfilling for my being.
i have been filling myself w/ lots of things that are amazing:
the dancing, the relationships, the laughter, the writing even, but i've not spent much time w/ God these days, and i can feel the toll that it's taking on me. in a lot of respects, i'm living in a manner that many of my dear ones would love to be living.
this time in Korea has been refreshing and i've discovered much about myself and the whats and whys--through many wonderful experiences and ridiculous mistakes. but, it feels a little crazy b/c i've backburnered God. i know i talk about Him a lot--that He infuses a lot of my thoughts and even my writing, but talking about a relationship and actually engaging in one is not the same thing. obviously.
self-absorbed and gloomy, a little. kinda b/c of the pouring rain. kinda b/c of my endless cycles. partly b/c of that dead roach i just found on my floor. he was just dead. gave up? upside down w/ 6 crooked legs bent in different directions. sick. i can come up w/ all kinds of metaphors for this.
but i'm going to talk to Him tonight. over a bowl of cereal and a few menthol cigarettes.
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